


Moments of Me

by gublerlover



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, Fluff, Hurt Spencer, M/M, Protective Team, Violence, protective Morgan, spencer just needs a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 10:01:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11288970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gublerlover/pseuds/gublerlover
Summary: A series of snapbacks through Spencer's life with the BAU.





	Moments of Me

**Author's Note:**

> i took a few things from https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8204907/1/99-Things-People-Don-t-Know-About-Spencer-Reid and imagined spencer telling derek and his team about some of them or the team finding out themselves!! comment if u want me to do more!!! i have it as finished for now but that's just because i dont have anything planned. tumblr : fandomloserr comments & kudos are always appreciated <3

i- Reid had a frown on his face.  Derek has been casting him worried looks all day, as he snapped at Emily and the team.  She wasn't Elle, and never would be.  Derek's steps echoed until they approached Reid's desk and stopped.  

"Yes?" Reid asked, not looking up.  He had memorized Derek's step patterns and speed. "Hey! I'm in the middle-" Spencer was cut off as Derek held a tight grip on his skinny arm, dragging him out to the hallway.

"What the hell, Morgan?!"  He snapped his arm back.  "Listen, you're going to tell me what's going on with you!  Is it Emily?  Do you not like her, or something?" Derek whisper-yelled, his face pressed close to Spencer's. "No-I just-" Spencer stuttered, and suddenly every ounce of anger drained from him. "I'm sorry, it's not Emily-" Spencer had taken a deep breath, and pulled Derek into a hidden corridor. He started rummaging through his yellow messenger bag with furrowed eyebrows. "What are you-" Derek was cut off when Spencer had pulled out two glass jars of dilaudid and a needle. "Spencer, what-what is this?" Derek suddenly felt the urge to gag. "He drugged me. Tobias, I mean, and he thought he was helping. I'm sorry, I-I can't deal with having them on me, and I'm trying to-" Spencer had just stopped his rambling and dropped the vials ontop his bag. Morgan pulled him into a hug, and Spencer sobbed.

 

ii- Spencer was knocking at Derek's door at three AM and he didn't know why.  Prentiss was dead.  His hands were shaking so much, he almost dropped the vial of dilaudid he was gripping on to.  A groggy Derek opened the door, a gun in hand, and breathed out when he saw Spencer standing there; just to hold his breath again when he saw what he was holding. "Are you okay?" He asked, and Spencer violently shook his head. Stupid question.

"S-she's gone-" He choked out.  Derek nodded, and slipped his hand into Reid's, and gently pulled away the vial.  "It's okay," He coaxed when Spencer tensed. He lead Spencer to the couch, and drained the drugs into the sink, throwing away the bottle. Spencer wouldn't sleep or eat.  He sobbed into Derek's chest for hours. 

 

iii- JJ was staring at Reid. He wasn't like this. Sure, the first few weeks with Emily were rocky, but he was kidnapped, and on  _drugs._ JJ prayed that Emily dying and coming back didn't send send him over the edge.  She thought Reid would be happy.  He hugged Emily, and listened to what Hotch and JJ had to say, and then he left the room while everyone caught up with each other.  

 

He didn't know how they could act so normal, when their college and friend just rose from the dead.  Figuratively, of course, but she still did.  Morgan came out after him, and placed a hand on his shoulder.  Derek was the only one he hadn't snapped at, and knew he wouldn't. Reid had gone back to the corridor where he had first told Derek about his drug problem, just sitting there blankly.  

 

"You alright?" Derek asked, hesitantly.  "S-she was dead."  Derek didn't say anything.  He sat down next to Spencer and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.  "Elle left, Derek.  She shot someone and just  _left_ me here, and I came to terms with that.  I knew Emily would never be Elle, but she came damn close. Then Emily was  _stabbed,_ and I was there, and she was dead."  His voice was hollow, as he subconsciously leaned into the older man's frame.

 

"They lied to me.  I found a dealer, two weeks after Prentiss died, I found a dealer and she _lied to me_." Derek nodded, and pretended to not notice Emily and JJ staring at them as they passed through the main hallway.

 

iv- Derek saw Reid's phone lying on his desk, ringing loudly.  He gripped it and pressed  _accept_ on the screen.  "You have a collect call from Nathan Harris, a patient at the Georgia Physiology center. This call may be recorded or monitored. To accept this call press 5, to decline press 2."  Derek furrowed his eyebrows and looked for Reid, spotting him and quickly passing over the phone.  Mouthing who it was from, Spencer grabbed the phone and hurried into the hallway.  Derek heard parts of the call, worryingly eyeing Spencer.  He didn't know Nathan and him still talked. "Nathan, calm down.  I know-" Spencer rushed down the hallway, and Derek turned away.

 

v- The unsub had been violent, and Reid shoved JJ out of the way, gripping the phone.  " _Hey-Calm down, okay?  Hurting those people isn't going to help your situation. I know-I know.  I understand, really.  Yeah?  Okay, but you have to send the hostages out.  I just want to help.  Just send out the children, okay?  They did nothing to deserve this."_ Derek had heard Reid over his ear-piece.  He quickly got out of Garcia's tech van and looked around for Spencer. Seeing him already shrugging on a bulletproof vest and Hotch scolding him, Derek almost flipped.

 

"What are you doing?" He seethed, grabbing Reid's elbow. Spencer mumbled something about saving lives, and shoved a gun into his holster. "You can't just-"

 

"Actually, Derek, I can. There's four children in there, and sixteen adults. I'm going to save as many of them as I can." He glared at Morgan, who stepped back.

 

"Be careful." He muttered to Spencer's back.

 

vi- "Sweetie? What's that thing on your ankle?" Penelope asked him one day. They were all having a beach day, while he was building sand castles with Jack and Henry. Spencer looked to her, and then looked down. "Oh, it's a tattoo. Of Vita, which means life in Latin. I got it a couple of years ago in Los Angeles." He smiled at the memory and looked away.

 

Penelope eyes widened. "Wow, I didn't pin your for a tattoo guy. Got anymore?" She joked and dropped her jaw when he responded. "Yeah, actually, there's one on my rib, it says 'all that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream,' a quote from Edgar Allen Poe. I don't usually have my shirt off so no one knows." Spencer shrugged and went back to his sand castle, as Penelope looked at him confusingly. The next day, Derek didn't believe her and she forced Spencer to show everyone. No one brought it up again.

 

vii- Rossi walked in on Spencer crying, right after Gideon left. He called JJ, who tried calming him down. "I don't care, I don't care about him. He left. He left me, JJ." He sobbed, and decided he did actually miss him.

 

iix- Derek had come over one night. It was 9pm, and he had an unopened bottle of vodka tucked under his arm. Spencer had let him in, asking him why he was here. "I missed you, at the office today." Spencer had sighed, and grabbed two glasses from the cabinet.

 

He'd taken a personal day off. He needed one. "I don't know anything about you." Derek said, mildly tipsy. Reid had sent him a confused glance. "You know too much about me." He responded. Derek had moved closer and sent him a cheeky smile. "I want to know more." He finished off another glass, and slammed it on the table, next to a pile of books. "Okay."

 

So, Reid told him. He ended up in a mess of sniffles and puffy cheeks. He told him how the goalpost wasn't the worst thing that happened in high school. He told him how they had once broken so many ribs, he couldn't breathe as one punctured his lung; and how he went through multiple surgeries to get it fixed. He told him how almost killed himself when he was twenty-eight. His fear of having children, because the schizophrenic gene he might pass down to the people he loved.

 

He told him everything and Morgan listened. "God dammit, sorry I'm such an emotional drunk," He slurred and Derek held onto him. "You probably won't remember this tomorrow, why bother?" He laughed bitterly and rubbed his palms against his eyes. "The only person I've ever said I love you to, is my mother." Spencer said, and bit his lip. "I love you, though. I love you, and the team, and I love you." He finished. The next morning he woke up with a backache. His legs were still tangled with Derek's, and he was basically on top of him, the cheap bottle of vodka was still opened on the coffee table. They never talked about it. Spencer secretly hoped they would've.

 

ix- Elle stood in front of Spencer's door and knocked twice. "Elle?" He asked, opening the door. She smiled and looked down. "I'm leaving." She told him, and he shook his head. Was this a dream? "I'm sorry. I can't work in the BAU anymore. After the shooting." She leaned against the frame. "I'll miss you, Spencer." Elle pulled him into a hug and kissed his cheek. He stood there in shock. "Please, please stay." He selfishly begged, as she began to turn around. "Call me, sometime." She said, and then she was gone. Reid punched a wall and didn't talk to Hotchner for a week, unless it had something to do with a case. He still feels bad about it.  

 

x- After Spencer gets back from prison, Derek had waited at his door. He fell into his arms, and breathed in his scent. He missed it. He missed Derek. "I'm so glad you're okay. I'm so glad you're okay," He breathed into Spencer's neck. Derek helped him clean out the cut on his arm. The next day he got his hair cut, shorter again. He had told Derek he loved him. He was sober this time. He still wakes up in the middle of the night. He thinks about Emily's death, he thought about Hotch, Gideon, Blake, and Elle leaving him. He thought about Derek.  He wasn't okay, but he had been before. Maybe he'll be okay later on. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> (also derek never left the fbi, never got married, and never had a kid!!! i love savannah so i didnt want to make anything bad happen to her)


End file.
